This morning at breakfast, Ursula was theorizing what Trixie might dream about. She mentioned something about Trixie seeing something because of the color and I offhandedly mentioned that Trixie can’t actually see colors. She got very quiet. She looked at Dan. She looked at me. She did NOT believe me. “Are you joking Mommy?” Um, no.
She has mentioned it several additional times today. I don’t know what else to tell her – do I fabricate *that* many things that I’m untrustworthy now? Maybe this is because I’ve told her about never nudes (though that *could* be true).
Later, she was playing with her slinky. And kept calling it “winky”. I was all “please don’t do that, it’s not nice”. She was dubious. Finally, I was all “Ursula, listen, that is another word for ____* and you don’t have one so there’s really no reason for you to say that”. I was nonchalant, I was cool, we use real words around her without shame. She understands, she won’t say it = parenting sucess! Except then she said “then why is one of my ZhuZhu Pets names Winkie?” (which is true, one came named Winkie.) Aah – good times. I would tell you how I backed out of that one, but honestly, I am not sure and I don’t think it was remotely logical. But! Neither is naming a ZhuZhu Pet “Winkie”.
We just finished watching PuppyBowl VI and she also doesn’t believe me when I said that Fava and Garbanzo are siblings. They are two puppies. From the same shelter. Who look identical. With bean names! I stand by my assertion.
* Like I said, we use real words and it’s not a bad name – I just don’t want to be part of a Google anatomy search.
We are semi-iced in today. I say semi because no one has driven on our street and we don’t have anywhere to go. But it’s totally possibly that the main road a block and a half away is fine. It is cold and wet and I don’t really care to find out.
At lunch time, I was heating some Campbell’s Chunky Soup (which we never buy but the Progresso was picked over). I was telling her about how my Grandma ALWAYS had Chunky Soup (not Grandma who died last year; my other Grandma) and all the different things I would do with my her (namely – go to Roy Rogers, shop, read books). Then Ursula asked if she “ordered me books”. Well, no – there was no ordering books online back then, not til I was a grown up.
This led to a lively discussion – I was a little older than she was when we got our first computer, Dan didn’t have a home computer until after we were married, computer screens used to be black with green or yellow letters, there was no internet*, there were no cell phones, blah blah blah. Dan joined in – it was quite exciting.
Then she said “did you have soft beds and stuffed animals?” Yes – because no Webkinz online is EXACTLY like rope beds and straw mattresses with no toys! I tried to explain that houses were pretty much the same – just no computers and cell phones and we couldn’t pause TV (newsflash: we couldn’t even do that when Ursula was a baby! We go our first DVR in 2005, so I could record Lost when we were in Disney World.) Then she asked if there were stop signs and if girls could have jobs (yes to both). She then asked if there was Starfall.com – um, which part of no computers and internet did you not understand?
* yes, I know this is technically untrue, but it wasn’t the internet she knows.
When I went to pick Ursula up at school today, I saw her class walking back from an assembly. But I did not see her in line – they walk in order so I knew exactly where she should have been. I was a little worried – I knew they hadn’t lost her or anything, but it was worrying me – what if I’d missed a call from the office? I sort of calmed down, but then her friends came out for carpool line and she was not with them! The line is a U shape, and I was directly opposite where her class stands – she was definitely not there. I got out of my car (line wasn’t moving yet – other grades weren’t out) and asked her classmates. Who were not helpful. Then I asked an assistant (who I know by sight, but she doesn’t know me). She said that Ursula was inside having her picture taken because she *won an award*! My pride was not dimmed by the fact that I know that the awards are structured so that each child will get one over the course of the year – it is STILL an award.
She walked out right as the line started moving. When I got to the front of the line, the principal put her in the car saying “Ursula has exciting news!” I played it cool, but then was actually surprised when Ursula said “I lost a tooth!!!!” Anything else? “And won the communicator award in the Assemble-ing!”
I then got a rundown of ALL the fabulous things that happened, then she called Dan an proclaimed that “today was awesome”:
* Lost tooth!
* Communicator award!
* She got books! (Scholastic order came in)
* A friend shared a coloring page!
And now it is snowing! Probably due to her inside out jammies and spoon under her pillow last night…
I went to see “The Road” this morning. It is an *excellent* movie. It is also depressing, gut wrenching, haunting and the most disturbing thing I have seen in a long time (or ever). I saw “Precious” two weeks ago (which was also depressing, upsetting and horrible), but now it feels like a romantic comedy in comparison.
After leaving, there was much conversation in the parking lot about how depressing it was, what did this mean, why did this happen, what would we do. Blah blah blah.
(Note – unless you have zero clue about what The Road is about, this doesn’t have spoilers. And if you seriously have no idea what The Road is about, chances are you wouldn’t go see it anyway, so read on.)
Wanting to feel empowered, I called Dan:
M: What are you doing?
D: I am at the coffee shop.
M: Oh. So, if you are every in a dystopian post-apocalyptic world with cannibals, please kill Ursula rather than making her walk all around and starve.
D: Okay.
M: Good. I am glad we are in agreement.
D: Oh, I wouldn’t actually do that (then why did you agree????) We would go to the top of a mountain and I would fight off anyone who tried to get us.
M: That is a very bad plan*
D: Well, I would have a vat of boiling water on the mountain and pour it down on people trying to come up.
M: Where would you get boiling water on the top of a mountain?!?!?!
D: Fine, some other hot liquid.
(Yes, because clearly, my issue with that plan was about the water and not about the vat, boiling or pouring.)
M: I don’t think that is a good idea.
* While I didn’t elaborate, some reasons include: Where would you get food on the top of a mountain? What kind of shelter could you find? The weather would be harsher! Seriously, like you would be the only person with that idea! (Actually, maybe you would be, since it’s a bad idea and all). Could you seriously fight off roving cannibal gangs with weapons with your bare hands? How could you ambush people? Also, there is not exactly a mountain in our back yard, so there would be much dystopian hiking before you’d even get there.
So, basically, I am super hoping that Ursula is never in Dan’s care in a dystopian world. I did call Lisa (who was – of course – my movie date) and we have hammered out a survival plan. Which I will not detail because in a dystopian world, you are on your OWN. (Dogs will NOT be harmed.)
Ursula is six and a half today (but not yesterday – she was not happy Dan told someone she was six and a half one day early). I am down with 6.5, but can’t believe that means I’ll have a seven year old later this year. Also, it means she is halfway to 13. Which is freaky. But since it feels like I’ve had her FOREVER, maybe that makes 13 seem far away?
Is email posting really finally working? If so, what did I do differently this time? Hrm…
ETA: Hooray!
Ursula received the Girl Gourmet Cupcake Maker for Christmas. She started asking for it before her birthday (too close to her birthday to get it). I spent 5 months trying to dissuade her, to no avail. I do not buy such things, but Santa likes to make little girls’ dreams come true – so we have one.
A couple of nights ago at dinner, Dan all “Why haven’t you made cupcakes, Ursula?” and I was all murderous glare/”why haven’t you made cupcakes with Ursula, Dan?” then Dan said (IN FRONT OF HER) “Well, why did you buy it if you hate it?” Um, I didn’t? Santa did! That doesn’t mean I was hoping she’d forget it and we’d never use it, but still – not from me.
So, today – my time was up. We used the Girl Gourmet Cupcake Maker. I want to say that my expectations were low. VERY VERY low. Except that I think they were (in my mind) so low that I sort of expected to be cheerfully surprised because how could it POSSIBLY be that bad? Betty Crocker Warm Delights danced through my head – it is possible to make a moderately tasty dessert in the microwave. Maybe it would be non-disgusting or moderately fun or SOMETHING. Sadly, it did not disappoint. And by that I mean, it did disappoint. It was so wretchedly horrible that i can’t even describe it.
Taking cupcake baker out of microwave. Mmm – microwaved cupcake….
Look at that delicious cupcake!
Strawberry frosting from a packet – what’s not to love?
This is exactly how it worked on TV, right?
Wow. Just wow.
I think I would have enjoyed setting $20 on fire more than I enjoyed using the cupcake maker. I also think a flaming $20 bill would a) last longer and b) taste better. Of course, it was Santa’s $20, not mine, so I guess I really can’t complain. (Except for the taste – I will complain that I was forced to eat half of that “cupcake”)
I was hoping Ursula would at least recognize it sucked, so I could cheer her up and say it was fun or something. But she remained stoic and pretended it was great. Which makes me sad for her. Unless she actually thought it was great, in which case I am scared for our future.
